Some Kind of Puzzle

Questions as Pieces

I approach some aspects of life as a puzzle, embracing a question my brain tries to understand as something I will solve eventually. Why did this happen? Why does that feel that way? Why does this stick? Why does that make me afraid? I am careful about which things to let sit inside this way, I keep what I think needs studying or to be set aside for later examination or illumination. I think it is different than obsessing or holding onto what needs to leave. It feels more receptive, like an awaiting, while I focus on other areas of my life. They are things that when the pieces finally fit together, I anticipate they will be released, understood, provide growth, or affect me in a way I have not envisioned. Sometimes they become art, something I write, or share in a conversation. Other times they fade into nothing in release to the wind, burn into ash upon a fire.

All One

Lately, I have observed pieces from seemingly disparate puzzles—different, long-held questions—coming together. There is a convergence that I notice strengthens as time passes. A bit of clarity falls upon me here and there. I am realizing it is not actually separate puzzles. What I have thought of as separate, I am now watching all flow into one.

We receive pieces to our puzzles in many ways. It’s like this: I may come across a piece of art, a poem, a quote referenced in a book I am reading, a passage from the book itself, a conversation with a friend or a stranger while out and about, a suggestion to read or listen to something someone else has connected with, a dream, a conversation partially overheard; I have even had book pages that have blown into my yard and songs sung to me by strangers on the street. These breadcrumbs of sorts fall into our paths, and a thing I find interesting is that this occurs always unexpectedly. They feel like guides along the path of seeking, walking alongside and encouraging me with treats every now and then, a bit of fuel to proceed.

Love is the Skeleton Key

I love to make connections, I nearly physically feel the active parts of my brain, heart, and spirit alighting when connections are made. A surge of dopamine courses through me. It is addictive. I crave connection like I imagine some crave a drug. The body relaxes in some place where tension over a question was held. The heart smiles. The spirit perhaps glows a little more, reaches out like a growing vein.

These connections, piecing together of the puzzle, are making the convergence I feel. It feels very good in my body and through to my spirit. I carry some very longheld questions—things I feel that will arrive at some point with answers—not insurmountable things like ‘Why are we here?’—I do love mystery as well! No, these are questions that I wondered about as a child and that still have not been answered. Or things that have happened in life that I accept will make sense at some point. We all have those things, do we not? Finally, answers are arriving, but they are not revelations in words. They come in the form of falling into life. It is a merging with what is happening to and around me. I am drawn to reading words from teachers right now, and they say this feeling is Love. It is not a romantic love, although that can be one of this love’s metaphors, for certain. It is a spiritual love. It is this love that goes out to everyone, it recognizes itself in another, it takes all of the questions and puzzles and of them it says: Delight in being where you are, for your problems are already solved.